I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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