So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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