Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.