Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"