I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.