so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.