and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The air was thick with penises
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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