My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
