Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
