I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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