I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
