Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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