How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
