Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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