Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
