If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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