I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
