i just wanna soil my oats bro
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
