I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ttyl tear gas
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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