He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
