One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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