If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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