1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
