I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
