i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
