if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
