I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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