I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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