Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
