oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
