I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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