I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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