Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
