we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
