dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
