I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
