You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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