wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
