I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
