so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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