If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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