She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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