Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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