she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
