I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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