ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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