I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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