she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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