dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
