im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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