doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
