Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize