We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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