I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
did you just send me my own nude
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
