Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
