Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
