Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The ass gains better be worth it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
