I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
