you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
