omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
