I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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