I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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