There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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