My nipple is on Facebook.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
