i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
